THE DREADFUL DRAMATIC DIALOGUE AND ACTION DELETED FROM “A HARD DAY’S NIGHT,” and ended up on the cutting room floor. Sixth Post

Today brings Part 6, featuring more deleted but curious scenes removed from the motion picture, “A Hard Day’s Night” as we continue this fun journey to acquire further bits and pieces how the film’s screenplay originally proposed its running cameras to showcase the Beatles in their first movie. So, without further ado, let’s unveil the next few sections considered much too awful for any viewing audience, and remember, all rejected portions show in [Bold Font.]

(Hear and now the Boys just finished a sound check run-through rehearsal of their ballad, “And I Love Her.”) Director: “Thank you, very nice.”
(Inside the control room, usual personnel fidget with the consul, adjusting light levels and microphone volumes.) [Director: “That was more or less alright for me. I’ll give them one more run-through then leave them alone until the dress rehearsal.] Director: (To the studio Make-Up Artist) “Make-up?”
Make-up Artist: “Not really, they don’t need it. We’ll just powder them off for the shine.”
Director: “Good. Norm, get them along to make-up, will you? Powder them up––
the shine.”
Norm: “Sure.”
[Director: (Looking into the monitor) “And hurry, they’re not looking too happy.” (The monitor shows the Lads crowding around Ringo pointing fingers at the silent drummer.)

Next Scene, Interior, Make-Up Room – (Shake and Grandfather are sitting in splendid isolation starring at each other.) Shake: “You blinked.”
[Grandfather: “I never did. You did.”]
(The Boys enter.) Shake: “Hello, your grandfather is not talking to me, he’s having a sulk.”
George: “Well, it must be catching on, he’s given it to Ringo.”
Norm: “Stop picking on him.”
Ringo: “I don’t need you to defend me, you know, Norm.”
John: “Leave him alone, he’s got swine fever.”
Norm: (To John) “Now listen, John, behave yourself, or I’ll murder you, and Shake, take that wig off, it suits you.” (Ringo has separated himself from the group, placed a Guardsman’s Bearskin top his head while the fur gets wedged down almost over his eyes, and sits under a hair-dryer reading a copy of, ‘Queen Magazine.’) Norm: (To Ringo) “What do you think you’re up to?”
[Ringo: “Someone put it on me.”] Ringo: “Page five.”
[John: “Excuses, that’s all we get, and you know you fancy yourself in the Coldstreams.”] John: “You always fancied yourself as a Guardsman, didn’t you?”
(The girls move in and put make-up bibs on the Boys and start to powder them off.) George: “ You won’t interfere with the basic rugged concept of my personality, will you, madam?” [That line was originally written for John, but given to George instead.]
[Paul: “Eh, don’t take out me lines.”
George: Yeah, they give him that “Je ne sais quoi” rakish air.”
(The lads laugh with pleasure, so Ringo decides to try a little joke.) Ringo: (Pointing to his furry headgear.) “Short back and sides, please.”
(The others look at him with disgust.) Paul: “Behave!”
John: “Foreign devil.”
George: “Control yourself.”]
John: “Say, he’s reading the Queen. That’s an in-joke, you know.”
[(Grandfather has been watching the powder process.)] Grandfather: “In my considered opinion you’re a bunch of sissies.”
[(John grabs a powder puff from his girl.) “You know you’re only jealous.” (And dabs the old man liberally with the powder much to Grandfather’s annoyance.)
Norm: “Leave him alone, Lennon, or I’ll tell them all the truth about you.”
John: “You wouldn’t!”
Norm: Oh, wouldn’t I, though.” (Norm exits.)
[Paul: (To John) “What’s he know?”
John: “Nothing, he’s trying to brainwash me and give me personality doubts. Oh, he’s a swine but a clever swine, mind.”]
Grandfather: (Impatiently) “Look, I thought I was supposed to be getting a change of scenery, and so far I’ve been in a train and a room, a car and a room, and a room and a room. Well, that’ maybe alright for a bunch of powdered geegaws like you, lot, but I’m feeling decidedly straight-jacketed. [This is no life for a free-booting agent of my stamp. I’m a frustrated man, and that class of McCartney is a dangerous McCartney.]
Girl: “What a clean old man.”
[Grandfather: (Ticked-off) “You’re too young for a fella of my cosmopolitan tastes, so”] Grandfather: “don’t press your luck.”
John: “He’s sex-obsessed. The older generation are leading this country to galloping ruin.”
(Norm returns) “They’re nearly ready for you. Just finishing the band call.”
John: “I say, did you go to Harrod’s? I was there in 58, you know. I can get you on the stage.”
Girl: “Oh, how?”
John: “Turn right here, at the corridor.” [(John jumps from his seat.) “Gear! Come on, girls, let’s have a bit of a dance.”
John’s Girl: “I don’t think it’s allowed.”
John: “Well. It wouldn’t be any fun if it was.”
(The Boys drag the Make-Up Girls out of the room, and George spots a stage hand with a mannequin.) George: (To the stage hand) “And I don’t like yours.”
[(As the boys and Makeup Girls dance past, we see one of the Strauss singers combing his long hair straight back. Two stagehands swing a wind machine past him, and his hair is blown straight forward into a Beatle cut.)
(John, passing him notices the familiar hair style.) John: (To the singer) “That fad will never catch on.”
(George snatches another Strauss wig and places it on a dummy combing the bangs forward matching his own hair style.)]
(As the gang approaches the stage, the music and dancers are in full swing, so the Boys join with a wild hippy shake, Zulu moves, and it becomes a contest between John and Lionel.) [(Suddenly, John swings his girl onto the motorized camera Western style and starts to track through the group. George is on another camera.)
[Interior scene change, The Control Room – (The whole control room crew is watching the dance on studio monitors. The director is about to put a stop to the ridiculous ordeal in an outrage, but his female private assistant glares at him, and with a shrug, he lets the dance go on. The film cuts back to the stage, and the Boys have upped the ante on their dancing flair until the music stops.)]
John: “Hey kids, why don’t we do the show here.” (The lads grab their instruments and the song, ‘I’m Happy Just To Dance with You’ begins.)

[(After the song, the Director’s voice comes through the loudspeaker.) “Thank you, gentlemen, you can break now while we push on with the show.” (The Boys acknowledge this with a quaver of guitar chords and drum roll. Norm is on them at once.)] Norm: “That was great, you’ve got about an hour but don’t leave the theater. Where are you going, John?”
John: “She’s going to show me her stamp collection.”
Paul: (Grabs another girl) “So is mine.” (Moments later, grandfather wants a cup of tea and Ringo gets hooked into taking the old man to the Canteen.)

[Interior shot, Backstage – (On their way for tea, Ringo and Grandfather spot a man whose act is playing tunes by hitting himself on the head and they both witness the artist downing a handful of aspirin. He starts rehearsing his bit which consists of throwing his head back and slapping his cheeks. Next to him is a juggler practicing with four ping-pong balls. Grandfather passes by but accidently bumps into the juggler’s arm causing only three balls to come down. There is a sound of coughing off frame. We cut to the head-player being patted vigorously on the back. The fourth ball pops out of his mouth and bounces across the studio floor.)]

Next Scene, Canteen – (Grandfather stirs up Ringo about living, parading, and the famous drummer starts to wonder.) Grandfather: “And what’s it all come to in the end?”
Ringo: “Yeah, what’s in it for me?”
Grandfather: “A book!”
Ringo: “ Yeah, a blooming book.”
Grandfather: You could be out there betraying a rich American widow or sipping palm wine in Tahiti before you’re too old like me. [A fine neat and trim lad the class of you should be helping himself to life’s goodies before the sands run out. Being an old age pensioner’s a terrible drag on a man and every second you waste is bringing you nearer the Friday queue at the Post Office.”]
Ringo: “Yeah, funny really, cos I’d never thought of it but being middle-aged takes up most of your time, doesn’t it?
Grandfather: “You’re only right.”
[Ringo: (Nodding) “I’m not wrong.”] (Ringo rises and crosses to the exit.)
Grandfather: “Where you going?”
Ringo: “I’m going parading before it’s too late.”
(After a small encounter with George outside the Canteen, Ringo abruptly leaves uncaring.)

Next Scene, Interior shot, Near the Stage – (John and Paul are chatting with a couple of showgirls. When they see Ringo approaching, they break off the conversation.) John: “here he is, the middle-aged boy wonder,” (Ringo looks at John hard
[Paul: “Eh, I thought you were looking after the old man?”
Ringo: (with simple dignity) “Get knotted!”]
(Paul and John gape at their disgruntled friend. Ringo takes a quick photograph of them before he leaves them flabbergasted walks out on the band.)
Paul: “We’ve only got half an hour till the final run through. He can’t walk out on us now.”
John: “Can’t he? He’s done it, son.”
George: (running towards J & P) “Hey, you know what happened?”
Paul: “We know. Come on.”

Exterior shot, Theater Stage Door – Paul: “Split up and look for him.” (Everyone follows Paul.)

[John: “It’s happened at last.”] John: “We’ve become a limited company.”
George: “I’ll look in here again.” (Paul and John go in opposite directions.)

[Next Scene Shot No. 57, Exterior Street - (PAUL comes down the street looking about for RINGO. In the street is an old building, the sort of place highly favored for TV rehearsals. There is a sign on the door saying "TV Rehearsal Room." As PAUL draws near, a load of actors and extras, etc. are leaving, they are in costume, they are the ones who earlier had been going to a word rehearsal. PAUL decides to go inside.)

Shot No. 58, Interior Hall - (PAUL enters and wanders about. He reaches a door, pushes it open and looks in. He sees a girl clad in period costume. She is moving around the room and obviously acting. PAUL watches her for a moment and then decides to go in.)

Shot No. 59, Interior Rehearsal Room - (PAUL goes into the room. The girl is in mid-flight. She is very young and lovely and completely engrossed in what she is doing. The room is absolutely empty except for PAUL and herself. She is acting in the manner of an eighteenth-century Coquette, or, to be precise, the voice English actresses use when they think they are being true to the costume period... her youth, however, makes it all very charming.)

GIRL: "If I believed you, sir, I might do those things and walk those ways only to find myself on Problem's Path. But I cannot believe you, and all those urgings serve only as a proof that you will lie and lie again to gain your purpose with me."
(She dances lightly away from an imaginary lover, and as she turns she sees PAUL, who is as engrossed in the scene as she was.)
GIRL: (surprised) "Oh!"
PAUL: (enthusiastically) "Well...go 'head, do the next bit."
GIRL: "Go away! You've spoilt it."
PAUL: "Oh! Sorry I spoke."
(He makes an attempt to go. He simply continues to look steadily at the girl; then he smiles at her. She is undecided what to do next.)
GIRL: "Are you supposed to be here?"
PAUL: "I've got you worried, haven't I?"
GIRL: "Of course not. I asked who you are, that's all."
PAUL: "No you didn't, you asked me, Was I supposed to be here?"
GIRL: "I'm warning you, they'll be back in a minute."
PAUL: "D'you know something, 'They' don't worry me at all. Any road, I only fancy listening to you, that's all but if it worries you... well..."
GIRL: "Of course it doesn't worry me, I can..." (she interrupts herself) "...Who are you?"
PAUL: (smiling cheekily) "Another worrier."
GIRL: (accusingly) "You're from Liverpool, aren't you?"
PAUL: "How'd you guess?"
GIRL: "Oh, it's the way you talk."
PAUL: (innocently) "Is it...is it, really?"
GIRL: "Are you pulling my leg?"
PAUL: "Something like that."
GIRL: "I see. Do you like the play?"
PAUL: "Yeah, I mean, sure, well, I took it at school, but I only heard boys and masters saying those lines, like, sounds different on a girl." (smiles to himself.) "Yeah, it's gear on a girl."
GIRL: "Gear?"
PAUL: "Aye, the big hammer, smashing!"
GIRL: "Thank you."
PAUL: "Don't mench. Well, why don't you give us a few more lines, like?"
GIRL: (pouts)
PAUL: "You don't half slam the door in people's faces, don't you? I mean, what about when you're playing the part, like, hundreds of people will see you and..."
GIRL: (cutting in) "I'm not..."
PAUL: "Oh, you're the understudy sort of thing?"
GIRL: "No." (aggressively) "I'm a walk-on in a fancy-dress scene. I just felt like doing those lines."
PAUL: "Oh, I see. You are an actress though, aren't you?"
GIRL: "Yes."
PAUL: "Aye. I knew you were."
GIRL: "What's that mean?"
PAUL: "Well, the way you were spouting, like..." (he imitates her) "'I don't believe you, sir...' and all that. Yeah, it was gear."
GIRL: (dryly) "The big hammer?"
PAUL: (smiling) "Oh aye, a sledge."
GIRL: "But the way you did it then sounded so phony."
PAUL: "No, I wouldn't say that... just like an actress... you know."
(He moves and stands about like an actress)
GIRL: "But that's not like a real person at all."
PAUL: "Aye, well, actresses aren't like real people, are they?"
GIRL: "They ought to be."
PAUL: "Oh, I don't know, any road up, they never are, are they?"
GIRL: "What are you?"
PAUL: "I'm in a group... well... there are four of us. We play and sing."
GIRL: "I bet you don't sound like real people."
PAUL: "We do, you know. We sound like us having a ball. It's fab."
GIRL: "Is it really fab or are you just saying that to convince yourself?"
PAUL: "What of? Look, I wouldn't do it unless I was. I'm dead lucky, cos I get paid for doing something I love doing." (he laughs and with a gesture takes in the whole studio) "...all this and a jam butty too!"
GIRL: "I only enjoy acting for myself. I hate it when other people are let in."
PAUL: "Why? I mean, which are you, scared or selfish?"
GIRL: "Why selfish?"
PAUL" "Well, you've got to have people to taste your treacle toffee."
(She looks at him in surprise)
PAUL: "No, hang on, I've not gone daft. You see, when I was little me mother let me make some treacle toffee one time in our back scullery. When I'd done it, she said to me, 'Go and give some to the other kids.' So I said I would, but I thought to meself, 'She must think I'm soft.' Any road, I was eating away there, but I wanted somebody else to know how good it was so in the end, I wound up giving it all away... but I didn't mind, cos I'd made the stuff in the first place. Well... that's why you need other people... an audience... to taste your treacle toffee, like. Eh... does that sound as thick-headed to you as it does to me?"
GIRL: "Not really, but I'm probably not a toffee maker. How would you do those lines of mine?"
PAUL: "Well, look at it this way, I mean, when you come right down to it, that girl, she's a bit of a scrubber, isn't she?"
GIRL: "Is she?"
PAUL: "Of course... Look, if she was a Liverpool scrubber..." (PAUL starts acting a Liverpool girl, he mimes about then turns, extending his leg.) "Eh, fella, you want to try pulling the other one, it's got a full set of bells hanging off it... Y'what?... I know your sort, two cokes and a packet of cheese and onion crisps and suddenly it's love, and we're stopping in an empty shop doorway. You're just after me body and y'can't have it... so there!"
GIRL: (shattered) "And you honestly think that's what she meant?"
PAUL: "Oh, definitely, it sticks out a mile, she's trying to get him to marry her, but he doesn't want... well... I don't reckon any fellas ever wanted to get married. But girls are like that, clever and cunning. You've got to laugh." (He laughs)
GIRL: "Well it's nice to know you think you're clever."
PAUL: (grinning) "And cunning."
GIRL: "And what do you do about it?"
PAUL: "Me? Oh, I don't have the time, I'm always running about with the lads... no, we don't have the time."
GIRL: "Pity."
PAUL: (not noticing the invitation) "Aye, it is, but as long as you get by, it's alright, you know... bash on, happy valley's when they let you stop. Any road, I'd better get back."
GIRL: "Yes."
PAUL: (going) "See you."
GIRL: "Of course."
(PAUL stands at the doorway, shrugs, then goes out. After a moment, the GIRL starts to act her speech. She is still using her actress voice.)
GIRL: "If I believed you, sir. I might do..." (she breaks off and smiles) "...clever and cunning..." (she starts again, but this time she delivers the lines in a saucy, teasing manner)
(PAUL pops his head back round the door.)
PAUL: "Treacle toffee...wowee!"
(He disappears, and the GIRL laughs delightedly. End of Scene)]

Next week, Ringo freely roams the city but falls into mishap mischief.

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