THE DREADFUL DRAMATIC DIALOGUE AND ACTION DELETED FROM “A HARD DAY’S NIGHT,” and ended up on the cutting room floor. Fourth Post

Today brings Part 4, featuring more deleted but curious scenes removed from the motion picture, “A Hard Day’s Night” as we continue this fun journey to acquire further bits and pieces how the film’s screenplay originally proposed its running cameras to showcase the Beatles in their first movie. So without further ado, let’s unveil the next few sections considered much too awful for any viewing audience, and remember, all rejected portions show in [Bold Font.]

Hear and now unfolds the scene that has Grandfather sulking behind bars in the baggage bin.

Very dark, and behind bars we see Grandfather crouched on a wooden box tea chest looking miserable. He turns toward the camera. In the foreground we see Paul standing. [In the background an impressive Guard is reading a paper which he does throughout the scene.]

Grandfather: (Bitterly) “And to think me own grandson would have let them put me behind bars.”

Paul: “Don’t dramatize.” (The Camera pulls back, and Grandfather is in the luggage compartment) [sitting near a crate of chickens]  (and a dog.) [The chickens peck at the old man, who moves listlessly away.]

Paul: “Let’s face it, you’re lucky to be here. If they’d have had their way you’d have been dropped off at Stafford.”

[(Grandfather proudly turns away from Paul, who dodges round so he can still see his face.)]

Paul: “Well, you’ve got to admit you’ve upset a lot of people. At least I can keep me eye on you while you’re stuck in here.”

[(Grandfather turns away again.) Paul: “Alright, how about Ringo? I mean––he’s very upset, you know. . . And as far as your girlfriend, little Audrey’s concerned, she’s finished with men for the rest of her natural, and another thing. . .

(Grandfather cutting in) “You’re left-handed, aren’t you, Paul?”

Paul: “Yeah, so what?”

Grandfather: “Why do you always use your left hand?”

Paul: “Well, don’t be daft, I’ve got to.”

Grandfather: “And I take a left-handed view of life, I’ve got to.”]

(After a moment of looking at grandfather, Paul opens the compartment door and joins his Grandfather on the box.) Paul: ”Shove up!”

(Grandfather produces a penny ) “Odds or even?”

Paul: “Odds.” (Grandfather flips the coin.)

John: “Don’t worry son, we’ll get you the best lawyer green stamps can buy.”

Paul: “Oh – it’s a laugh a line with Lennon. (to Ringo) Anyroad up, it’s all your fault.”

Ringo: “Why me?”

Paul: “Why not?”

[George: “Bag-snatcher.”]

Grandfather: “That’s right; convict without trial. Habeus corpus.”

John: (Casually) “Every morning.”] “Gaw, it’s depressing in here, isn’t it? Funny,” (he pats a dog on the head.) “cos they usually reckon dogs more than people in England, don’t they? Let’s do something.”

Paul: “Like what?”

[John: “Well, I’ve got me gobstopper.” (He takes out his mouth organ.) “Look, a genuine Stradivarius, hand tooled at Birmingham.]

John: (Pulls out a deck of cards.) “ Mmm.”

Paul: “Okay.” (Song, I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN BETTER begins.) [Ringo beats on a tea chest while Paul and George improvise other sounds, much to the delight of the same group of schoolgirls. During the number, Grandfather quietly lets the latch off the chicken crate, and the hens begin to wander through the scene. By the time the song ends, the train pulls up to a sharp halt that sends the lads and girls sprawling.]

Norm: “Don’t move, any of you. They’ve gone potty out there. The whole place is surging with girls.”

John: “Please, can I have one to surge me, sir?”

[Norm: “No!”]

John: “Ah, go on, you swine.”]

Norm: “No, you can’t. Look, as soon as I tell you, run through this door and into the big car that’s waiting.” (Just as they are ready to run, a line of taxis draws up parallel to the train and separates them all from the big waiting car.)

Norm: “Oh, no.” (Grandfather pushes past the Boys, holding his coat closed.)

Norm: “ Come on lads, come on.”

[Grandfather: “Alright, lads, follow me.” (And before Norm can stop him, he darts out of the door with Paul following. The fans further down the platform see Paul and charge forward. In a panic, Norm and the other rush off the train, John having just enough time to kiss both girls.)

John: “ Vive lamour.” (Norm drags him away.)]

[Exterior shot, Railway Station – (The Boys manage to follow Grandfather by leaping onto a motorized luggage carrier, George driving and the other three posing as mannequins on the back.) Grandfather arrives at a taxi door, flings it open, and runs through opening the other door making a safe bridge inside the vehicle. The Boys follow headed for the open taxi. Fans take chase, and we see a stream of girls piling through all the taxis, one of which includes grumpy Johnson.]

[Interior shot, Inside the Beatles private car – (Norm is sitting in front with the driver, Frank, the four lads, and Grandfather are squashed together in the back.)

Norm: (To the driver.) “Go like the clappers, son.”

Frank: “That was my entire intention, sir.”]

[Exterior shot, the Station. (The car moves off surrounded by fans; from a height we see them converge on the car but it moves forcefully out of the station and into traffic pointed toward the booked hotel.)]

(In the next scene George complains of Ringo’s snoring, John says he’s a window rattler, and Grandfather stands up for the little drummer unable to help having such a great hooter. Suddenly, Norm enters with fan mail, and soon after Shake enters with three times the amount of fan mail all for Ringo.)

Norm: It’s homework time for all you college puddings. I want this lot all answered tonight.” (The Boys grumble.)

Ringo: “I want to go out.”

Norm: “I’ll brook no denial.”

John: It’s all right for you, you couldn’t get a pen in your foot, you swine.”

[Norm: “Come on, Shake, we’ll leave them to their penmanship.”] Norm: “Babble on, babble on, but a touch of the writer’s cramp will soon sort you out.”

(Norm and Shake exit. John deliberately rises ever so slow and crosses the room to his coat, puts it on, and walks to the door.)

George: “Where are you going?”

[John: “While the swine’s away the piglets can play.] John: “ He told us to stay here, didn’t he? Well come on, what are we waiting for?”

(With a whoop, the other three collect their coats and head for the door.)

[Grandfather: “What about all these letters?”

Boys: “Read em.”]

(Grandfather takes out Ringo’s invite from his coat pocket.) [Grandfather: “and a free champagne buffet.”] (The old chap grins.)

Interior shot, the gaming room – Sr. McCartney turns to a Buxom Blonde who is leaning over him.) Grandfather: “I bet you’re a great swimmer. My turn? Bingo.”

Croupier: Pas Bingo, Monsieur ––Banco.”

Grandfather: “I’ll take the little darlings anyway. Two and one is three. Carry one is four.”

[Blonde: “Lay them down.”

Grandfather: (Loses concentration by the enormous cleavage.) “Eh?”

Blonde: “Lay them down.”

Grandfather: “We’d be thrown out.”

Blonde: “Your cards, lay them down face up.” (He does so.)

Croupier: “Huit, et sept.” (Croupier pushes chips and box to grandfather.)

[Blonde: “You had a lovely little pair, you see.”

Grandfather: “I did?”

Blonde: “They’re yours.”

Grandfather: “They are?”

Blonde: “The cards, you’re bank.” (Grandfather continues to gamble, and a waiter is checking the requirements of the players.)

Grandfather: “Bingo.”

Croupier: “ M’lord dit bingo.”

Waiter: (To Grandfather.) “A little light refreshment?”

Grandfather: a glass of the old Chablis to wash down a gesture of giblets wouldn’t go amiss. Souflee’ chop chop.” (The Croupier uses his spatula to pick up a card. Grandfather grabs it and scoops some sandwiches off a passing tray.]

(Norm brings the Boys back to the hotel room and points to the fan mail. Shake finds the elderly waiter in the closet.) Shake: “ You’re undressed, where are your clothes?”

Waiter: “The old gentleman borrowed them to go gambling at Le Circle.”

[Paul: “No!”]

Ringo: “Oh, he’s gone to my club, has he?”

Paul: “Yeah, it’s all your fault, getting invites to gambling clubs. He’s probably in the middle of an orgy by now.”

John: “Well, what are we waiting for?”

[Shake: “Aye, come on, honest, that grandfather of yours is worse than any of you lot.”]

Waiter: “what about me?”

John: You’re too old.”

Next Scene Interior shot, Le Circle – Manager: (Beaming) “Lord John McCartney, he’s the millionaire Irish peer, filthy rich, of course.”

Customer: “Oh, I don’t know, he looks rather clean to me.”

[(The manager comes to Sr. McCartney’s side.) Manager: “Play is about to resume, m’lord.”

Grandfather: (Handing him a chip.) “Lead me to it, I’ve a winning itch that only success can pacify.” (He takes his seat at the table and the manager watches for a moment then moves on over to the reception desk.]

Norm: (Leads the way to the club entrance.) “Come ahead you lot. Try to act with a bit of decorum––this is a posh place.”

John: “We know how to behave, we’ve had lessons.”

Attendant: “I’m sorry sir, members and invited guests only.”

[Paul: “I’ve got to get in there.”

George: ‘it’s urgent and important.”

Ringo: “I’ve had an invite.”

John: “Take me to your leader.”

Norm: (To Lennon.) “Shrrup!”] Norm: (Displaying the Beatles.) “Well uh,

Attendant: ‘Oh yes.”

(The Boys grab Grandfather away from the table and the bill floors Norm. Luckily, grandfather’s winnings take care of everything. Grandfather wants his change.)

Manager: “Cloakroom charge.”

Next week, George shows Shake how to use a safety razor.

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