THE DREADFUL DRAMATIC DIALOGUE AND ACTION DELETED FROM “A HARD DAY’S NIGHT,” and ended up on the cutting room floor. Fifth Post

Today brings Part 5, featuring more deleted but curious scenes removed from the motion picture, “A Hard Day’s Night” as we continue this fun journey to acquire further bits and pieces how the film’s screenplay originally proposed its running cameras to showcase the Beatles in their first movie. So without further ado, let’s unveil the next few sections considered much too awful for any viewing audience, and remember, all rejected portions show in [Bold Font.]

Hear and now unfolds the scene when George shows Shake how to use a safety razor.

Interior shot, Large Hotel Bathroom – (The bath is full of bubbles high over the top of the tub. After a moment, John’s head appears out of the bubbles; he is wearing his leather cap and in his hands are a toy merchant ship and a toy submarine. He begins to play an elaborate game of U-Boat hunting of British ships; he conducts the game in pig-German, barking orders.  George now enters, he is dressed in his undervest and trousers, and he is carrying a sponge bag and hand towel. Behind follows Shake.)

John: “Guten morgan, mein Herr. Kanen sie nach ein tea haben? Ah, the filthy Englander, gootey morgee.”

Shake: “Aw, go on George.”

George: “ Don’t be ridiculous.”

Shake: “You said I could.”

George: Honest, me mind boggles at the very idea. A grown man, and you’ve never shaved with a safety razor.”

Shake: “It’s not my fault, I’m from a long line of electricians.”

George: “Well, you’re not practicing on me.”

Shake: All right. Well, show us then.

George: (Long suffering) “Oh, come on.” (George has unpacked his razor and can of lather. He now has an idea, and instead of lathering his own face, he lathers Shake’s image in the mirror and to demonstrate shaving, he shaves the image. [George, however, pulls all the appropriate faces of shaving on his own face mimicked exactly by Shake. In the background John continues the North Atlantic sea-war.]

John: “Rule Britannia, Britannia rule the . . .”

George: “Put that tongue away, it looks disgusting hanging there all pink and naked –– one slip of the razor and . . .” (Shake hastily withdraws his tongue with a gulp. At this moment there is a loud sound from John, then a cry of:

John: “Helpt uns helpen. Help!”[Shake and George rush to the tub just in time to see John disappear below the bubbles.]

George: (To Shake) Torpedoed again.” (They are about to resume the shaving lesson when Norm enters.)

[Norm: “And what’s all this? Do you know there’s a dirty great car waiting to take you lot to the television place? (He bundles George and Shake out of the bathroom. Where’s John? Come on lads, Come on lads there’s a car waiting to take you to the studio.”] Norm: “Where’s John?

George: (As he exits) “In the bath.”

[Norm: “Right you are, Lennon.] Norm: “All right, Lennon, let’s have you.” (Close up of Norm looking smug. There is no response, so Norm goes to the the top of the bath and pulls out the plug.) “Come on, John, stop lurking about.” (Norm waits a moment then turns to the tub, and a look of horror comes over his face as we see the tub empty. “John! John!”

(We cut from the bath back to Norm and John enters the scene.) [John: “I wonder how I did it?”] John: “What are you messing around with that boat for? There’s a car waiting, come on.”

[Interior shot, Large private car moving on its way to the studio – (The boys have settled down.)

John: “Should I say it?”

George: “Follow your impulse.”

Ringo: “It will only get you into trouble.”

John: (to Ringo) “Aah, shurrup, misery!” (John slouches forward.) John: “ Okay, driver, follow that car.”

(The driver, Frank, is an urban man in a handsome gray uniform.) Frank: “Would you like to be a little more precise, sir?”

John: “Well, that’s the wrong line for a start.”

Frank: “Sorry? I beg your pardon.”

George: “Oh,  don’t pay any attention to him, he was just fulfilling a lifelong ambition.”

Frank: “I see.”

John: “Yeah, you know–– Okay, Buster, follow that car, there’s a sawbuck in it for you if you get real close.”

Frank: “Oh yes, now I’m with you. But, gee, Mister, I’ve got my license to think of.  We’re doing a hundred now.” (The car is stopped in traffic behind a bus. John gets out of the car, walks to the front, and leans inside the window delightedly flashing his wallet. The car starts moving, and John walks along side.)

John: “Ever seen one of these before?”

Frank: “Ah, a shamus, eh?”

John: “I see you go to night court.”

Frank: “I’ve made the scene.”

John: (Jumping into the car.) “Well, remember, it’s Leathery Magee up ahead in that convertible, so cover me in the stake out.”

George: “I don’t think that bit’s right.”

John: “What do you expect from an ad lib . . . Raymond Chandler?”

Exterior shot, Street – (As the Beatles private car overtakes a company director’s Rolls, John lowers his window and the Boys let out an imaginary hail of bullets at the executive’s back. He reacts violently and starts to shout at them. As he does so, John presses the button of his window so that we hear only a part of the unpleasant, angry words.)

(Stuck in traffic again, Ringo and Paul jump out of the car, then Ringo shoves two drumsticks into the front grill. Paul uses his coat as a matador’s cloak in a butterfly pass as the car approaches him nearly grazing the bass player who bravely remains in the Matador position.) Norm: “Will you all stop it, you’re like a gang of school kids. I knew this was going to happen one day.”

John: (As Ringo and Paul reenter the car) “Well, you shouldn’t have had bacon for breakfast, you cannibal.”

Frank: (to Norm) “We’re nearly there, sir.”

John: “Don’t call him sir, he’s got enough delusions of power as it is.”

Norm: (Close shot of long-suffering upon Norm’s face.) “And I was happy in the bakery. I’ll never know why I left.”]

Exterior Shot, Old Victorian Music Hall – ( The car pulls up, Norm has instructed the Boys to rush through the night-watchman’s canvas hut and beeline straight into the building. As the group enters the lobby, two P.R.O. Men in dark suits step forward smiling.)

First P.R. man: “Press conference, they’re waiting for you.”

Norm: “Give us a couple of shakes to catch our breath.”

First P.R. man: (Forcibly) “They’re waiting now.”

John: “ Give us a shout when it’s over.”

Ringo: “I’ve got a suit just like him, you know.”

Paul: “This lot means it, they’re even taking hostages.”

John: “I don’t like the handkerchief. I always have the handkerchief in me trouser pocket. You can’t blow your nose on it up there, you know.” [And without more ado, they grab Norm by the arms and march toward the stairs as the swine protests. Inside the event the place is empty except for two Barmaids poised ready to serve, standing behind trestle tables full of drinks and sandwiches.]

(Before the Lads and shake can get to the food, Newspapermen, and Photographers converge on them from all directions. Scene shifts rapidly from Beatle to Beatle answering questions.)

[Sound Reporter: “what’s your philosophy of life?”

John: “I’m torn between Zen, and I’m alright, Jack.”

Reporter: Has success changed your life.”

Ringo: “Yes.”

Reporter: “Do you like playing the guitar?”

George: “Next to kissing girls, it’s favorites.” George: “I’ve always liked that question.”

John: I never noticed his nose till about six months ago.”

Paul: “No, actually we’re just good friends.”

Ringo: “Uh, no, I’m a mocker.” (Paul signals to George, let’s get out of here. They both lift Ringo off his feet and depart.)

Interior Shot, Theater – Paul: Eh, look at that. That’s our set down there. [Let’s go and muck in.”]

John: “Look at the birds.” (Everyone is so busy on stage the crew hardly notice the pop stars who wander about examining the studio equipment. [A voice shouts out, “Here, what about these guitars.”

Shake (Going towards the voice) “I’m coming.”

(After a tiny tiff between Ringo and the floor manager for touching his drums, John begins singing, “If I Fell.”

(Another tiff, this time caused by Grandfather questioning the director’s ability has Norm promising to lock the lot up in the dressing room until needed.) Norm: “Come ahead, Ringo.” (Ringo takes his time placing his sticks safely on the drums.)

[John: “Come on, Speedy.”

Paul: “Ring-O!”

George: “Wake up.”

(Grandfather recognizes the magician’s name Leslie Jackson and his ten disappearing doves. He tells Jr, “If you’re as good as him, son, you’re alright. (Patting the younger showman hard on the upper arm, killing one of the doves.)

Next Scene – (While Norm is corralling the Boys to their dressing room, Ringo’s attention is caught by a Fire Escape door.) Ringo: “We’re out!” (Song, ‘Can't Buy Me Love’ begins and the lads romp in the field.)

Next Scene – (Inside the theater’s corridor, a young woman, Millie recognizes John: “ No, I’m not.”

Millie: “Well, you look like him.”

John: “My eyes are lighter, and my nose . . .”

Millie: “Your nose is, very.”

John: Aye, but you know him well.”

Millie: “He’s only a casual acquaintance.”

John: (Knowingly) “That’s what you say.”

Millie: “What have you heard.”

John: “It’s all over the place, everyone knows.”

Millie: “Is it, really?”

John: “I stood up for you, I wouldn’t have it.”

Millie: “I knew I could rely on you.” (She lowers her glasses and peers into his eyes.) ‘You don’t look like him at all.”

[John winks at her, and she winks back.] John: “ She looks like him more than I do.”

Next Scene – (The boys return to the dressing room, a Taylor is measuring shoulders with tape but before he can finish with George all are summoned, and the Taylor is left measuring open air.) John: ( Approaches the stretched out measuring tape with scissors.) “I now declare this bridge open.” (He snips the tape in half.)

[Next Scene, Interior Back Stage area –(Five beautiful models are standing about in costume. One is knitting a loose wool sweater which is almost completed. There is the sound of a juggler’s act music, and the other models are looking towards center stage. At the edge of the frame is a collapsible table with holding three spaced white plates. From the door off stage labeled, Canteen and Office Productions, Grandfather enters eating a plate of spaghetti on toast. The knitting girl sees him and in mime, asks him to stand still so she can measure the sweater against him. Grandfather, eager to help, puts his dish on the table next to the other empty plates, then moves toward the model to be eye-measured.

From the onstage area, the juggler’s pretty assistant in a stunning outfit backs up, and with the usual theatrical flamboyance presence picks up a plate, without looking, and throws it to her partner. There is a drum roll from the orchestra. She then throws a second plate. We cut on stage to the juggler now balancing the two spinning plates on two poles, one in each hand. He holds a third pole in his mouth and nods to the assistant for the last plate. We cut back to the pretty assistant who, still not looking lifts Grandfather’s lunch and throws it center stage. Suddenly, the orchestra raggedly stops, and all the hangers-on in the scene look at the mishap with shock. We hear the Director’s voice: “All right, hold it, hold it. Okay, John, wipe him down, and we’ll carry on with the next act.”

We cut to center stage, and the juggler’s head is covered with spaghetti having slipped off the spinning dish. The Floor Manager is bustling around trying to help. We cut back to Grandfather who has finished being measured and then returns to the table where he left his food. He picks up the only remaining dish, looks at it, wonders where his spaghetti has gone and heads back into the Canteen.]

Next Scene, Interior T.V. Studio Floor – Director: “Where are they? I said, where are they? Where are they?”

Floor Manager: “They’re coming, I promise you.”

Director: “Now look, if they’re not here on this floor in thirty seconds, there’s going to be trouble––understand me––trouble.”

[(Two stagehands walk past and look intently at the Director.) 1^st Stagehand: “What’s he on about, Taff?”

2^nd Stagehand: “Well, he’s being the Director. Of course, he lives in a world of his own mind.”]

(At that moment, The boys along with norm, Shake, and Grandfather appears on the floor.) John: (To the Director) “Standing about, eh? Some people have it dead easy, don’t they?”

Director: (To himself) “Of course, once you’re over thirty, you’re finished. It’s a young man’s medium, and I just can’t take the pace.”

Ringo: “Are you as young as that, then?”

Director: “I was.”

[The Boys: “Shurrup!”

Grandfather: “Isn’t it always the way? Picking on the little fellas.”

Paul: (To Shake) “Shove the gentleman jockey in the makeup room and keep an eye on him, will you?”

Shake: “ I’m an electrician, not a wet nurse, ya know.”

Paul: (Threateningly) “I’ll set John on you!”

Shake: Oh, anything you say, Paul.” (Shake leads Grandfather away.)]

(The Boys watch the Director huff off back to the control room with his assistant.)

George: “Ah, there he goes. Look at him. I bet his wife doesn’t know about her,”

John: “I bet he hasn’t got a wife. Look at his sweater.”

Paul: “You never know, she may have knitted it.”

John: “She knitted him.”

Song, “And I Love Her” begins.

Next week, the Boys cause Norm much more havoc.

Please feel free to leave any comments or corrections and share these articles plus the blog's website with your friends, especially Beatles’ fans. You and they might also enjoy knowing more about my Love Songs CD and my novel, BEATLEMANIAC. Just click on the My Shop tab near the top of this page for details.

THE DREADFUL DRAMATIC DIALOGUE AND ACTION DELETED FROM “A HARD DAY’S NIGHT,” and ended up on the cutting room floor. Fourth Post

Today brings Part 4, featuring more deleted but curious scenes removed from the motion picture, “A Hard Day’s Night” as we continue this fun journey to acquire further bits and pieces how the film’s screenplay originally proposed its running cameras to showcase the Beatles in their first movie. So without further ado, let’s unveil the next few sections considered much too awful for any viewing audience, and remember, all rejected portions show in [Bold Font.]

Hear and now unfolds the scene that has Grandfather sulking behind bars in the baggage bin.

Very dark, and behind bars we see Grandfather crouched on a wooden box tea chest looking miserable. He turns toward the camera. In the foreground we see Paul standing. [In the background an impressive Guard is reading a paper which he does throughout the scene.]

Grandfather: (Bitterly) “And to think me own grandson would have let them put me behind bars.”

Paul: “Don’t dramatize.” (The Camera pulls back, and Grandfather is in the luggage compartment) [sitting near a crate of chickens]  (and a dog.) [The chickens peck at the old man, who moves listlessly away.]

Paul: “Let’s face it, you’re lucky to be here. If they’d have had their way you’d have been dropped off at Stafford.”

[(Grandfather proudly turns away from Paul, who dodges round so he can still see his face.)]

Paul: “Well, you’ve got to admit you’ve upset a lot of people. At least I can keep me eye on you while you’re stuck in here.”

[(Grandfather turns away again.) Paul: “Alright, how about Ringo? I mean––he’s very upset, you know. . . And as far as your girlfriend, little Audrey’s concerned, she’s finished with men for the rest of her natural, and another thing. . .

(Grandfather cutting in) “You’re left-handed, aren’t you, Paul?”

Paul: “Yeah, so what?”

Grandfather: “Why do you always use your left hand?”

Paul: “Well, don’t be daft, I’ve got to.”

Grandfather: “And I take a left-handed view of life, I’ve got to.”]

(After a moment of looking at grandfather, Paul opens the compartment door and joins his Grandfather on the box.) Paul: ”Shove up!”

(Grandfather produces a penny ) “Odds or even?”

Paul: “Odds.” (Grandfather flips the coin.)

John: “Don’t worry son, we’ll get you the best lawyer green stamps can buy.”

Paul: “Oh – it’s a laugh a line with Lennon. (to Ringo) Anyroad up, it’s all your fault.”

Ringo: “Why me?”

Paul: “Why not?”

[George: “Bag-snatcher.”]

Grandfather: “That’s right; convict without trial. Habeus corpus.”

John: (Casually) “Every morning.”] “Gaw, it’s depressing in here, isn’t it? Funny,” (he pats a dog on the head.) “cos they usually reckon dogs more than people in England, don’t they? Let’s do something.”

Paul: “Like what?”

[John: “Well, I’ve got me gobstopper.” (He takes out his mouth organ.) “Look, a genuine Stradivarius, hand tooled at Birmingham.]

John: (Pulls out a deck of cards.) “ Mmm.”

Paul: “Okay.” (Song, I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN BETTER begins.) [Ringo beats on a tea chest while Paul and George improvise other sounds, much to the delight of the same group of schoolgirls. During the number, Grandfather quietly lets the latch off the chicken crate, and the hens begin to wander through the scene. By the time the song ends, the train pulls up to a sharp halt that sends the lads and girls sprawling.]

Norm: “Don’t move, any of you. They’ve gone potty out there. The whole place is surging with girls.”

John: “Please, can I have one to surge me, sir?”

[Norm: “No!”]

John: “Ah, go on, you swine.”]

Norm: “No, you can’t. Look, as soon as I tell you, run through this door and into the big car that’s waiting.” (Just as they are ready to run, a line of taxis draws up parallel to the train and separates them all from the big waiting car.)

Norm: “Oh, no.” (Grandfather pushes past the Boys, holding his coat closed.)

Norm: “ Come on lads, come on.”

[Grandfather: “Alright, lads, follow me.” (And before Norm can stop him, he darts out of the door with Paul following. The fans further down the platform see Paul and charge forward. In a panic, Norm and the other rush off the train, John having just enough time to kiss both girls.)

John: “ Vive lamour.” (Norm drags him away.)]

[Exterior shot, Railway Station – (The Boys manage to follow Grandfather by leaping onto a motorized luggage carrier, George driving and the other three posing as mannequins on the back.) Grandfather arrives at a taxi door, flings it open, and runs through opening the other door making a safe bridge inside the vehicle. The Boys follow headed for the open taxi. Fans take chase, and we see a stream of girls piling through all the taxis, one of which includes grumpy Johnson.]

[Interior shot, Inside the Beatles private car – (Norm is sitting in front with the driver, Frank, the four lads, and Grandfather are squashed together in the back.)

Norm: (To the driver.) “Go like the clappers, son.”

Frank: “That was my entire intention, sir.”]

[Exterior shot, the Station. (The car moves off surrounded by fans; from a height we see them converge on the car but it moves forcefully out of the station and into traffic pointed toward the booked hotel.)]

(In the next scene George complains of Ringo’s snoring, John says he’s a window rattler, and Grandfather stands up for the little drummer unable to help having such a great hooter. Suddenly, Norm enters with fan mail, and soon after Shake enters with three times the amount of fan mail all for Ringo.)

Norm: It’s homework time for all you college puddings. I want this lot all answered tonight.” (The Boys grumble.)

Ringo: “I want to go out.”

Norm: “I’ll brook no denial.”

John: It’s all right for you, you couldn’t get a pen in your foot, you swine.”

[Norm: “Come on, Shake, we’ll leave them to their penmanship.”] Norm: “Babble on, babble on, but a touch of the writer’s cramp will soon sort you out.”

(Norm and Shake exit. John deliberately rises ever so slow and crosses the room to his coat, puts it on, and walks to the door.)

George: “Where are you going?”

[John: “While the swine’s away the piglets can play.] John: “ He told us to stay here, didn’t he? Well come on, what are we waiting for?”

(With a whoop, the other three collect their coats and head for the door.)

[Grandfather: “What about all these letters?”

Boys: “Read em.”]

(Grandfather takes out Ringo’s invite from his coat pocket.) [Grandfather: “and a free champagne buffet.”] (The old chap grins.)

Interior shot, the gaming room – Sr. McCartney turns to a Buxom Blonde who is leaning over him.) Grandfather: “I bet you’re a great swimmer. My turn? Bingo.”

Croupier: Pas Bingo, Monsieur ––Banco.”

Grandfather: “I’ll take the little darlings anyway. Two and one is three. Carry one is four.”

[Blonde: “Lay them down.”

Grandfather: (Loses concentration by the enormous cleavage.) “Eh?”

Blonde: “Lay them down.”

Grandfather: “We’d be thrown out.”

Blonde: “Your cards, lay them down face up.” (He does so.)

Croupier: “Huit, et sept.” (Croupier pushes chips and box to grandfather.)

[Blonde: “You had a lovely little pair, you see.”

Grandfather: “I did?”

Blonde: “They’re yours.”

Grandfather: “They are?”

Blonde: “The cards, you’re bank.” (Grandfather continues to gamble, and a waiter is checking the requirements of the players.)

Grandfather: “Bingo.”

Croupier: “ M’lord dit bingo.”

Waiter: (To Grandfather.) “A little light refreshment?”

Grandfather: a glass of the old Chablis to wash down a gesture of giblets wouldn’t go amiss. Souflee’ chop chop.” (The Croupier uses his spatula to pick up a card. Grandfather grabs it and scoops some sandwiches off a passing tray.]

(Norm brings the Boys back to the hotel room and points to the fan mail. Shake finds the elderly waiter in the closet.) Shake: “ You’re undressed, where are your clothes?”

Waiter: “The old gentleman borrowed them to go gambling at Le Circle.”

[Paul: “No!”]

Ringo: “Oh, he’s gone to my club, has he?”

Paul: “Yeah, it’s all your fault, getting invites to gambling clubs. He’s probably in the middle of an orgy by now.”

John: “Well, what are we waiting for?”

[Shake: “Aye, come on, honest, that grandfather of yours is worse than any of you lot.”]

Waiter: “what about me?”

John: You’re too old.”

Next Scene Interior shot, Le Circle – Manager: (Beaming) “Lord John McCartney, he’s the millionaire Irish peer, filthy rich, of course.”

Customer: “Oh, I don’t know, he looks rather clean to me.”

[(The manager comes to Sr. McCartney’s side.) Manager: “Play is about to resume, m’lord.”

Grandfather: (Handing him a chip.) “Lead me to it, I’ve a winning itch that only success can pacify.” (He takes his seat at the table and the manager watches for a moment then moves on over to the reception desk.]

Norm: (Leads the way to the club entrance.) “Come ahead you lot. Try to act with a bit of decorum––this is a posh place.”

John: “We know how to behave, we’ve had lessons.”

Attendant: “I’m sorry sir, members and invited guests only.”

[Paul: “I’ve got to get in there.”

George: ‘it’s urgent and important.”

Ringo: “I’ve had an invite.”

John: “Take me to your leader.”

Norm: (To Lennon.) “Shrrup!”] Norm: (Displaying the Beatles.) “Well uh,

Attendant: ‘Oh yes.”

(The Boys grab Grandfather away from the table and the bill floors Norm. Luckily, grandfather’s winnings take care of everything. Grandfather wants his change.)

Manager: “Cloakroom charge.”

Next week, George shows Shake how to use a safety razor.

Please feel free to leave any comments or corrections and share these articles plus the blog's website with your friends, especially Beatles’ fans. You and they might also enjoy knowing more about my Love Songs CD and my novel, BEATLEMANIAC. Just click on the My Shop tab near the top of this page for details.

THE DREADFUL DRAMATIC DIALOGUE AND ACTION DELETED FROM “A HARD DAY’S NIGHT,” and ended up on the cutting room floor. Third Post.

Today brings part 3, featuring more deleted but curious scenes removed from the motion picture, “A Hard Day’s Night” as we continue this fun journey to acquire further bits and pieces how the film’s screenplay originally proposed its running cameras to showcase the Beatles in their first movie. Remember, all rejected portions show in [Bold Font.] . . . So, without further ado, let’s go.

Hear and now unfolds the scene that has Norm puzzled why grandfather hasn’t returned from down the ahh, and Shake shrugs it off believing the old fellow needs a couple more minutes. But, it isn’t the call of nature that has delayed Senior McCartney, it’s something much more as you will soon discover. . .

(Shake, and Norm sits quietly on the train as one looks out the window and the other buried deep in a Mad Magazine paperback. Norm looks at his watch nervously.) Norm: “He’s been gone a long time,”

Shake: (Without looking up.) “Who?”

Norm: “Paul’s grandfather.”

Shake: “Oh, I didn’t notice, where’d he go?”

Norm: “Down the––ahh.”

Shake: “Oh. Down the––ahh.”

Norm: “Yeah, down the––ahh.”

Shake: “Well, give him a couple more minutes.” He resumes reading, but Norm continues to worry.

[(Interior of another train compartment. Grandfather is in full flight of conversation with a charming elderly lady, Audrey, who is listening intently.)

Grandfather: (Proudly) “Yes, I’m their manager, I discovered them,”

Audrey: “Did you indeed, Mr. McCartney?”

Grandfather: “Now, Audrey, I told you, the name’s John. We show biz people are a friendly lot.”

Audrey: “Of course.”

Grandfather: Yes, they were playing the queues outside the picture palaces of Liverpool. Scruffy young lads, even lacking the price of a jam roll. Orphans, every Paddy’s son of em. I saw their potential at once although I had me doubts about the little fella, a savage primitive, that Ringo, but it was him what gave in first. He picked up a brick and heaved it at me, and I quelled him with one fierce flash of me eyes. “’Mister, can you spare us a penny copper?”’ he said, I was disarmed by the grubby little-outstretched mauler––so, I took them under me managerial banner.”

Audrey: “The usual ten percent?”

Grandfather: “Oh, not at all, I let them have twenty-five percent; sure, aren’t there four of them?”

Audrey: (Her eyes lighting up) “How fascinating. Do go on, John.”

Grandfather: “Oh, I’m all heart, Ma’am, all heart.”]

(Interior of the train’s corridor) Norm and Shake meet the Boys returning from coffee. Norm: Hey, have you seen Paul’ Grandfather?”

John: “Of course, he’s concealed about me person.”

Norm: No, he’s slipped off somewhere.”

Paul: (Accusingly) “Have you lost him?”

Norm: “Don’t exaggerate.”

Paul: “You’ve lost him.”

Shake: “Put it this way, he’s mislaid him.”

Paul: “You can’t trust you with anything, Norm. If you’ve lost him, I’ll cripple you.”

Shake: “He can’t be far.”

[John: ”I hope he fell off.”

Paul: “Don’t be callous.”

Norm: “Come, lads, let’s look up the sharp end.”  (Skipping the next few scenes)

Interior Train Compartment with John & Audrey. From the Boys point of view, we see the elderly couple sipping champagne and nibbling caviar on toast. Grandfather: (Looking up) “Congratulate me, Boys, I’m engaged.”

Paul: “Oh no you’re not.” [ “You’ve gone too far this time–– and who’s paying for all this?”

Grandfather: “It’s all taken care of. It’s down on our bill.”

Paul: “Oh, well that’s alright.” (Realizing) “What?”

Audrey: “Young man, kindly moderate your tone when you address my fiancée.”

Paul: “I’m sorry, Missus, but the betrothal’s off.” (He grabs Grandfather’s arm) “I’ll refuse my consent; he’s over-age,” (Audrey grabs Grandfather’s other arm and pulls him back,)

Audrey: “Leave him alone, after all he’s done for you is this the way you repay him?” (A tug of war starts between the two)

Paul: (Pulling) “Him? He’s never done anything for anybody in his life.”

Audrey: (Pulling) “You dare to say that when even those ridiculous clothes you are wearing were bought when you forced him to sell out his gilt-edged Indomitables,” (John and George jump on the seat egging Paul and Audrey on.)

John: “Come on, Auntie, you’re winning.”

George: “Get in there, Paul, she’s weakening.”

Ringo: (Attempts to end it.) “Look, Missus, this is all a misunderstanding, you see, he’s . . .

Audrey: “Keep away from me, you depraved lout, I know all about your terrible past.”

Ringo: “Ya-What?” (She hits Ringo with her handbag and continues struggling with Paul for Grandfather. Ringo grabs her handbag to stop her from hitting him.)

Ringo: “He’s given me a bad character, blackguarding me name to all and sundry. He’s got to be stopped. It’s not fair.” (Ringo pushes out into the corridor, forgetting that he is holding the handbag. A voice shouts off from a distance,)

Voice: That’s one of them, stop thief.” (From Ringo’s point of view, we see Johnson approaching with a Guard. Ringo turns the other way and is joined by his mates. Coming their way, we see the two schoolgirls holding autograph books followed by ten other girls from the same academy. Both groups are closing in on the Boys. There is no escape from the narrow corridor.)

Ringo: (Looking down at the handbag) “Oh, Mother.”]

Scene change - 

Next week, Grandfather is sulking behind bars in the baggage bin.

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THE DREADFUL DRAMATIC DIALOGUE AND ACTION DELETED FROM “A HARD DAY’S NIGHT,” which ended up on the cutting room floor.

Today brings part 2, featuring more deleted but curious scenes removed from the motion picture, “A Hard Day’s Night” as we continue this fun journey to acquire some further bits and pieces how the film originally proposed its running cameras to showcase the screenplay. Remember, all rejected portions show in [Bold Font.]  Let's continue. . .

Seated in the train compartment, after the Boys understand the little old man is Paul’s other grandfather, John asks, “What’s he doing here?”

Paul: “Well, me mother thought the trip would do him good.”

Ringo: “How’s that?”

Paul: He’s nursing a broken heart.”

John: Aah, poor old thing.” (John leans across to Grandfather and says) “Hey Mister, are you nursing a broken heart?” (The Grandfather glares at him in a way that indicates yes.)

John: “He’s a nice old man, isn’t he?”

Paul: “He’s very––clean.” (The bandmates agree.)

[Paul: (whispering) “You see, he was going to get married, but she threw him over for a butcher.”

George: “A butcher?”

Paul: “Yeah, she was fickle.”

John: “Aye, and fond of fresh meat and all.”

Paul: (Seriously) “No. . . It was his sweetbreads. She was dead kinky for his sweetbreads. Anyroad, me mother thought it would give him a change of scenery, like.”

John: Oh, I see.”]

John: (In an over-friendly voice) “Hello, Grandfather.”

Grandfather: “Hello.”

John: (Delighted) “He can talk, then?”

Paul: (Indignantly) “Course he can talk. He’s a human being, isn’t he?”

Ringo: (Grinning) “Well if he’s your grandfather, who knows?”

John: “And we’re looking after him, are we?”

Grandfather: “I’ll look after meself.”

Paul (Standing) “Aye, that’s what I’m afraid of.”

John: “Has he got you worried?”

Paul: (Combing hair) “He’s a villain and a real mixer, and he costs you a fortune in breach of promise cases.”

George: (Disbelieving) “Go on.”

Paul: “No, straight up.”

[Grandfather: “The lad’s given you the simple truth. I’m cursed with irresistible charm; I’m too attractive to be let loose.”] (At this moment, Shake, a tall man who works for the Boys pulls open the door of the compartment.)

Boys: “Hi, Shake.”

Shake: You got on alright, then?”

John: “No.”

Shake: Oh, well, we’re here. Norm will be along with the tickets.”

Next: Enters the older objector train traveler given the name, Johnson in the script. . . (Skip to Lennon’s line)

.John: “Yeah, but there are four of us, and we’d like it open, if it’s all the same to you, that is.”

Johnson: (Rudely) “Well, it isn’t. I travel on this train regularly, twice a week, so I suppose I have some rights.”

Ringo: “So have we.” (Johnson covers his face behind the newspaper – Ringo frowns then turns on the portable radio, and rock music spills out.)

Johnson: “And we’ll have that thing off as well, thank you.” (Johnson leans over and switches off the radio.)

Ringo: “But,”

Johnson: “An elementary knowledge of the Railway Acts would tell you I’m perfectly within my rights.”

Paul: “Yeah, but we want to hear it, and there is more of us than you. We’re a community, like a majority vote. Up with the workers and all that stuff.”

Johnson: “Then I suggest you take that damned thing into the corridor or some other part of the train where you obviously belong.”

John: (Leaning forward toward Johnson) “Give us a kiss.”

Paul: “Look, Mister, we paid for our seats too, you know.”

Johnson: “I travel on this train regularly, twice a week.”

John: “Knock it off Paul, you can’t win with his sort, after all, it’s his train, isn’t it, Mister?”

Johnson: “And don’t you take that tone with me, young man.”

[George: “But.”]

Johnson: “I fought the war for your sort.”

Ringo: “Bet you’re sorry you won.”

Johnson: “I shall call the guard.”

Paul: “Aye, but what? They don’t take kindly to insults. Come on, lads, let’s get a cup of coffee and leave the kennel to Lassie.” (The Boys exit but soon a tap at the window gets Johnson’s attention, and we see pressed against the glass four hideous Beatle faces.) Paul: “Hey, Mister. Can we have our ball back?”  [(The man jumps to his feet.)] (This time the Boys bang against the outside window) “Hey Mister, can we have our ball back?” [(From the P.O.V. of the door leading to the restaurant car, the Boys come down the corridor in full flight, laughing away like happy idiots. George and Paul pull open the sliding doors and all four look inside.)]

Norm: “Yeah, you want to watch it.”

Shake: Unhappily) “It’s not my fault.”

Norm: “Well, you stick to that story, son.”

Shake: “I can’t help it. I’m just taller than you.”

Grandfather: (To norm, slyly) “They always say that.”

Next, Norm: “Your grandfather pointed out Shake was always being taller than me just to spite me.”

Paul: “I knew it –– he started it. I should have known.”

Norm: “Ya-What?”

Paul: “You two have never had a quarrel in your life, and in two minutes flat he’s got you at it. He’s a king mixer. [Adam and Eve, meet the serpent. Anthony and Cleopatra, there’s your asp. David and Conquer, that’s this one’s motto.] He hates group unity, so he gets everyone at it. [Aye, and we’ll have to watch it and all.”]

George: “Well, I suggest you give him the photos and have done with it.”

Norm: “You’re right, here you are old granddad.”

Grandfather: “Would you ever sign this one for us, Pauly?”

(Paul does so but gets suspicious. Grandfather smiles at him charmingly, so Paul finishes signing.)

[John: “Come on, let’s get this coffee.”]

[Grandfather: “Before you go, I think it’s only fair to warn you about me grandson. Don’t let our Paul have his own way all the time, cause if you do he won’t respect you.” (John, Ringo, and George take this up straight away .and pretend to be girls. Ringo jumps into Paul’s arms.)]

[George: (Coyly) “Oh, Paul, you can’t have your own way.”]

[John: (Invitingly, in a Marlene Dietrich voice) “If I let you have your own way, you little rascal, will you respect me?”]

[Paul: (Upset) “I’ll murder you, Grandfather.” (John waltzes Paul down to an empty table, and all the lads take a seat.]

George: “Hey, look at the talent.” (We see two very attractive young girls having coffee.)

John: “Give em a pull.”

Paul: “Shall I?”

George: “Aye, but don’t rush. None of your five-bar gate jumps and over sort of stuff.”

Paul: “What’s that supposed to mean?”

George: (Grinning) “I don’t know, I just thought it sounded distinguished like.”

John: “George Harrison, The Scouse of Distinction.”

Paul: (Approaches the girl's table) “Excuse me, Madame. Excuse me, but these young men I’m sitting with wondered if two of us could join you; I’d ask you meself only I’m shy.”

Grandfather: (Sternly) “I’m sorry Miss, but you mustn’t fraternize with me prisoners.”

Jean: “Prisoners?”

Grandfather: “Convicts in transit to Wormwood Scrubs. Typical old lags, the lot of them.”

The Boys: “Ya-What?”

[Grandfather: “Quiet, you lot, or I’ll give you a touch of me truncheon.” (He points at Ringo.) “That little one’s the worst. If we don’t keep him on tablets, he has fits.”]

[Ringo: (Protesting) “Now look here!” (Grandfather grabs two lumps of sugar from the table and forces them into Ringo’s mouth.)]

Grandfather: “Get out while you can, ladies. [his time’s coming round for one of his turns.”]

(The girls scurry out of the restaurant car as the Boys look at Grandfather in horror. [Grandfather smiles at the lads benignly.]

Next week we shall dive into the scene that has Norm puzzled why grandfather hasn’t returned from down the ahh, and Shake shrugs it off believing the old fellow needs a couple more minutes. But, it isn’t the call of nature that has delayed Senior McCartney, it’s something much more as you will soon discover.

Please feel free to leave any comments or corrections and share these articles plus the blog's website with your friends, especially Beatles’ fans. You and they might also enjoy knowing more about my Love Songs CD and my novel, BEATLEMANIAC. Just click on the “My Shop” tab near the top of this page for full details.